“Suction. Clamp. Scalpel. Ok, now he’s ready to be stitched up.” Those are just some of the words and phrases you hear surgeons speak. Typical talk that lets you know what’s expected of the staff around him. You also expect that he’s wearing a gown, gloves, face mask and a hat. Those items represent personal cleanliness. They don’t permit the spreading of his germs to the patient. You, as a patient, have the right to expect that the equipment has been sterilized and that the operating room has been cleaned since its last use.
I have a friend who had to have a colonoscopy done. The process that they went through in order to prepare for this procedure was less than pleasant. There was this horrible liquid that had to be drunk which in turn causes your insides to heave out stuff that no one wants to know about. One bottle certainly isn’t enough according to the professionals. Oh no. You must have at least two, and it’s best if you have three. Why? I don’t know. Can’t they understand that once your body expels its contents, there really isn’t much left? I’m beginning to think they like to see people in a not-so-pleasant form. They must derive some sick pleasure from taking a perfectly normal human being and giving them some “healthy” poison to turn them into submission to the sadistic professionals.
My friend had gone in and had been sedated enough to be awake yet very relaxed… or as much as one can be when your backside is exposed. Of course, relaxed is a relative term. To the torturers, relaxed means that you’re almost unconscious but not completely under because they want to make sure you feel the pain but don’t have the ability to fight back when they feed a garden hose with a video camera attached to it up your intestine. To add to the pleasurable experience, the surgeon questions the operating staff as to whether this garden hose has been cleaned because he’s not able to see properly. The attending nurse says that she emptied the canister for cleaning medical parts yesterday. What a comforting thought. Yesterday…who’s used it since then? Ah, it’s all part of the plan to make you feel better. Oh and by the way, there’s no extra charge for messing with your psyche.
Once they’ve removed the 50ft garden hose and cleaned up my friend, they then declared him an image of health, as if he wasn’t before they decided to torture him. They inform him that he may take some time to occupy the bed to sleep off the remaining relaxation meds they have given him and that he will not need their services again for another year. Yipee!, one whole year until they get to work the magic torture again. But in the meantime, they will take the liberty of sending you a bill for their services. It’s a bill that you will pay for the rest of the year…until the next session.